A few thoughts on the latest shitty Star Wars movie...

The nigger jedi concept was right up there with one of the lesser incarnations of Star Drek putting a nigger/Klingon on the bridge. Lucas seemed to have cherry-picked This Character from Babylon 5, That Character from The Matrix, et cetera. The acting was wooden. Anakin's transformation to Darth Vader was not believable.

Chancellor: "Go hack up some little kids."
Anakin: "OK."

Little kids knew the Chancellor was The Evil Emperor in the first episode... and what was he so fucking pissed off about, anyway? The whole Sith thing was left as unleavened as that "midoclorian" bullshit from Episode I.

Christopher Lee was wasted in the movie. He blew everyone else away. Hey, kids, look, a PROFESSIONAL ACTOR, impressive, eh..?

It wasn't as bad as that endless sand-pit creature execution scene at the start of Episode III where you could hear the lines of cocaine being chopped and snorted in the editing room, but it wasn't far enough from it.

And what's his name, Obi-Wan-Lite, just STANDS there while Anakin crisps on the unlikely volcanic world? Darth Maul was a better villain. With the appropriate amount of dialogue: "Grr."

I was fortunately on a popcorn run (a cubic yard of popcorn and a gallon of soda pop per kid) and missed the Wookie scene, but why stick Chewbacca in this movie? Chewie and Yoda were old Cub Scouting buddies or something? And having Yoda bounce around like a fucking Superball was ridiculous. The whole movie was full of holes. I think that George Lucas was surrounded for way, way too long by sycophants. He should have known enough to have HIRED someone to write and direct the movie. At least the key plot development scenes.

I've got an "unimproved" widescreen VHS copy of the first movie from 1977. No stupid CGI tweaks. Flawed but believable models instead of computer animated stuff. I'll be happy watching that.

The key scene where Lucas dropped the ball was when Anakin races off to slaughter Sand People who've been pumping his mother full of Sand Person DNA. He should have been seen abusing The Force(tm) to wipe them out completely. He also should have used The Force(tm) to get laid with Princess Plank, untieing her slutty little top or something, exposing her large ripe melon..er, but I digress. It would have been nice if Obi-Wan Jr. wasn't such a watery wimp. And the interplay between Jedis was just plain BORING. They sit around in their tower doing... nothing? Just sitting there? At the very least they could have been using The Force(tm) to move a ball back and forth or something like that, rotate a heavy piece of artwork. Something. Was there a Jedi cafeteria? Why not show them hanging out and eating? Something?! On and on.

1. Replace Lucas as writer and director
2. Reduce FX
3. Story first, movie tie-ins MUCH later, if at all. Star Wars toothbrushes!?